Japan Is Doomed

I forgot to take my nice camera again. I’m so sorry it won’t happen again will happen lots of times in the future.

Anyway, yesterday saw the annual “World Food Festival” invade a few of the university buildings, and all the societies representing various nations got together in a whirl of cooking oil and cardboard stalls to sell their delicious cultural wares.

Once I had entered the hall, it became apparent that overwhelming customers into buying food was the order of the day. Basically, the stalls were all so cramped together that everyone had to take fight their way along a set path, which wound it’s way in front of every stall in the room.

The Japan Society, for whom I am now a committee member and thus wield terrible powers for, were out in force selling Sushi, Yakisoba and Karaage. They seemed to be doing rather well, but I was on a tight budget so I decided to try some food I’d never sampled before. Or at least, I planned to. As I was making my way around the hall, I was leapt on by a member of the Chinese society, who sold me a fortune cookie for 50p. Cheap, you may think, except the thing had no fortune in it. I’m not a huge believer in luck or fate, but that can’t be good, right?

Having absolutely no fortune saddened me, as I was hoping for a good omen relating to my upcoming midterm examinations (tomorrow!). Disheartened but not yet defeated, I fought my way further around the hall.

It was then that I discovered the festival continued into another room. This room contained, amongst other stalls, the Korean society stall. They were serving Kimchi, which is a traditional dish consisting of spicy vegetables. It also happens to be the most delicious food ever, and for 99p it was a steal.

So there you have it. Sadly I didn’t have much time to spend at the festival as I had to run home and study lots of difficult words for Monday’s exam, but I would heartily advise anyone to go to the festival, if only to purchase food from the Japan Society stall and fund my global domination attempt.

Food, food, glorious food. You know the drill by now. Everyone packs up their bags and charges off to a foreign country for a holiday, and before long you find yourself in a McDonalds, or whatever the local equivalent is - the only place you can find that the whole family will eat at. Or maybe you’ve gone to a country where eating some of the local delicacies will kill you. Luckily, Japan is a great place for adventurous eaters and those with frail appetites alike.

Staple Foods
Right, these are the things you eat if you’re hungry. The absolute golden rule at all times, no matter who you are or where you’re going, is that it’s always time for beer and Yakiniku. You can’t really go wrong here - Yakiniku is fried meat on a Japanese Korean (oops, thanks Crack!) style barbeque, often covered with delicious sauces, and is best accompanied by an ice-cold Kirin beer. It’s incredibly cheap and easy to eat, and if you’re coming to Japan to see the culture and society, well, you’ll not really see anything more “true Japan” than businessmen getting drunk over fried meat after work. If you’re not so daring, avoid Reba, Tan, Tetchan and Hatsu, which are Liver, Tounge , Intestine and Heart respectively. They are all delicious though and well worth trying. As for 1993, August 29th is “Yakiniku Day” according to the “All Japan Yakiniku Association”. I’m not sure if this is anything more than an excuse to eat it, but I’m not complaining.

Next up is Japan’s most famous food, Sushi. It comes in various shapes and sizes - the most famous being Makizushi, which is the circle ones with the fish in the middle. A word of warning though - Sushi is best eaten fresh. The quicker it gets from the chef to your mouth the better. If you’re not a fan of spicy food, you may want to avoid Nigiri-Zushi, which is the most common type in Japan, but contains a speck of Wasabi Sauce, (Japanese Horseradish) which is quite spicy.

The third and, in my opinion, the best staple food is Yakisoba - Fried Noodles. Best purchased from a friendly street vendor, the dish consists of a big lump of noodles, fried with a small amount of seasoning, and a bit of radish. Sometimes you get onions or something else chucked in too. I know it sounds dull but I reckon by the end of my year in Tokyo I was made up of at least 40% Yakisoba. It’s that good. Furthermore, it goes with absolutely anything, especially more Yakisoba. I cannot stress enough the wonder of the Soba.

Daring Foods
You’ve eaten Frog’s Legs, Snails or Dog or something, and you’re looking for a new challenge? Very well - Japan has quite a few dishes that will raise a few eyebrows. I promise you now two things - I’ve eaten all three of these foods, and I enjoyed all three. Up first is Basashi. This is raw horse meat. Wait, come back - it’s really good. It’s quite chewy, but I honestly think it’s worth persevering with, because it’s really tasty meat - full of flavor. I’m not sure how much I paid for it, but my wage in Japan was horrific so it can’t have been that much.

Secondly is Natto. Whilst it doesn’t come from a strange animal, the reason it made this list is because it absolutely reeks. It’s horrific. It’s basically rotting (or “fermenting”) bean paste, and is often eaten for breakfast. Frankly I couldn’t imagine facing this stuff before 6pm and a few pints, but it is quite tasty. Just eat it fast and whatever you do, don’t smell it before eating it. I only had it about twice in Japan, simply because if I’d eaten it in my apartment my flatmate would have evicted me.

Finally, we have my favourite Japanese food of all time - Takoyaki. This is a dumpling made of batter, with a chuck of diced octopus, some ginger and onion, and is topped with delicious sauce, mayonnaise and some fish shavings. I know - it sounds utterly disgusting and furthermore it looks like something you would want to throw a long way down a mineshaft. However it is absolutely godly if you like seafood - I often burnt my mouth on it simply because I didn’t want to wait. Best purchased from street vendors. Make sure you order in Japanese and try to say something about enjoying it - I netted myself a bonus piece because I did just that quite a few times. Deeeelicious.

There we are, then. Six foods to try whilst you’re over there. I’d just like to say right now that I hold no responsibility if you throw up. However, if you take my advice and like the food so much you want to relocate, I charge a flat fee of £100 ($200) for my services.