According to The Times Online;

As a thankless, recession-streaked 2009 dawns, Japan’s stressed-out workers are preparing to adopt a subversive new approach to the work-life balance: fibbing, skiving and knocking off early.

In other words, the Japanese workforce are finally employing a well tried and tested approach to work – not going! Hurrah! But things get better! Someone wrote a book about how to get off work! I wonder if it’s only come out now because the author was skipping work all the time? Yes, The Incumbent Salaryman’s Bumper Book of Excuses apparently helps you to keep up to 120 excuses ready to go at all times. Except if you’re missing work you should be at home and thus your boss can’t tell you’re looking at a book, but whatever.

Anyway, The Times article goes on to suggest that the excuses found in the book are, to the experienced skipper of work, pretty lame. Bizarre allergies, identical twins and weather phenomena in your area that only you noticed are apparently all inside the book.

There are [also] excuses to cope with being accused of having an untidy desk (it’s good feng shui), of wearing an ill-matched tie (it was a present from the client I’m about to visit) and of yawning near the boss (hay fever medicine).

So this is all very well but it’s not good enough Japan! If we are going to have guides about how to escape working then they better be well written, as this is a very important idea to me! (Am I making myself really unemployable by writing this? Find out in a few years when I’m living on the street!)

So I have taken it upon myself to write a new, better book to help people avoid having to work. Strap yourself in, put on your best fake sick voice and then head back to bed; Mike’s guide is here. My book is called Wouldn’t it be sweet if we didn’t go to work today?! and here, dedicated readers, are some choice cuts;

Page 33

Page 83

Page 91

Pretty good ideas! If you are interesting in buying my book it only costs £600 and is available by coming to my house and asking nicely for it!

Finally, I need a clever and snappy way to end this update. I can’t really think of one though. Man, I really could do with a way out. WOAH?! Apparently I’m in 1958 and, hey, get off my computer you cats! They’re stealing my computdiw! uhw owdwd? jwdwd! ahahadwhdwdwdiw!!!

When you ask someone learning Japanese what their least favourite part of the language is. Some may sigh and explain they aren’t really fond of Kanji. Others will start to cry a little, and between the desperate sobs mutter something about those ‘stupid symbols’. Others may start to froth at the mouth before shrieking and running out of a nearby window. That also means ‘the writing system’.

Of course, not everyone struggles with learning just under 2,000 different symbols, with multiple readings and thousands and thousands of combinations with each other. But I do, and thus I am justified in ranting senselessly about them. I am hoping that by writing angry blog posts, perhaps someone important in Japan will suddenly exclaim ‘hey guys just maybe we made this too hard let’s chill out for a bit, then invent a form of writing that involves pictures of animals’ or something.

So the following Kanji are pretty much jerks. Don’t associate with them or trust them with your money or keys as they will stab you in the back the second you drop your guard. You are running a risk just reading them on this blog! If it all gets too scary just forcefully punch your monitor! That’ll teach them! It’ll also teach me to write them! (disclaimer: I’m not replacing your monitor).

I mean look at that beast. This means ‘thanks‘ or ‘gratitude‘ as a noun. But who on earth would want to thank anyone for this Kanji. Look at the one on the right. The last thing I want to do after learning to write that out is thank anyone. Unless finding the original creator and sealing him in a cave counts as thanks.

This means ‘tourist’. If Kanji were real living things and they could talk and throw parties, this is how it would go;

山：Oh hey everyone welcome to the ‘Kanji that aren’t crazy hard to write or remember party’ how are you all.
信：I’m pretty good.
何：Hey is there any punch I am parched!
観：Hey everyone sorry I’m late I was busy strangling kittens! Sorry I’m alone but nobody likes me on account of all the kitten strangling! So what’s going on at this party? Oh hey punch! Well I’m just going to go ahead and drink it all. Oh sorry 何 did you want some? That’s okay I have plenty of kittens blood! Also I can associate on an intellectual level with Sarah Palin.

Yeah that’s right first kanji from tourist that is how you come across at parties if you were sentient. But you’re not, you’re just a symbol in the Japanese writing system. But you’re still a jerk. This one is crazy annoying to remember as it’s pretty important – tourism is big in Japan. Don’t worry if you can’t remember it though, apparently ツーリスト (tsu-risuto) is a real word! TAKE THAT 観!

Imagine if you were asked to recall this kanji from memory. How would you feel? Surprised? That’s fitting as this word means ‘to be surprised’ but I can understand if you thought it meant ‘To torture one’s enemies with crazy memory pattern tests.” This is one of the hardest Kanji I’ve had to learn for university and the most bizarrely annoying thing about it is it’s not that uncommon! You might actually see this in day to day life! Why can’t we just replace it with ‘ :o ‘ which does the same job!

Okay guys, time for an explanation: I started revising for my exams at full pace today, and all three of these Kanji caused me grief as I couldn’t recall how to write them. But now that I’ve written about them meanly, perhaps they will stick in my mind! They better do, because if they don’t I’m going to give up and become a professional unicyclist.

Expect a sane update in the coming week. Happy 2009, everyone.

So Christmas and 2009 are nearly upon us. I thought I’d take a (slightly self-centered) look back at the last 12 months, and what they signify for the blog and myself. This post probably isn’t going to be hugely interesting, although I’ll try my best to make it an interesting read.

It was the year I made my move onto Youtube, spent three months in Tokyo with no money, and danced a traditional dance in front of an awful lot of people, all of which were pretty scary. I’ve done a month by month breakdown; see if you can read the whole thing without collapsing from boredom!

January 2008

Wow, a long time ago now. I was revising for my first year exams, something I’d kill to go back and do again now – revising for the second year ones is a lot less fun. I wrote 11 articles, mostly about the news and other cultural stuff. I also wrote my most-commented on post of all time (All About Mixi) although most of the posts are just people asking me to invite them to Mixi – something I can’t do anymore. I think my favourite post of the month was Otaku Spotting: A Guide, a post that got me a hilarious email from some Japanese guy in Tokyo who mailed me to thank me for stopping him from looking like an otaku. Hey, every little helps!

February 2008

This month saw me whine about my exam results and little else. It was a pretty slow month, mainly because I didn’t do much except be at university. I made my return to Flickr and started taking photos again, so I guess that’s something. Best post for me was Underwater Train to Korea : Good Idea? which I loved writing, and it got some funny comments too, so all in all a fun post to write.

March 2008

Well the most important thing was me turning the big 20. I got some lovely messages through the site and email so thanks to everyone for those. It was also the month I saved up enough cash for my Japan 2008 trip and went snowboarding in Chamonix, France. My favourite post was Anime Karaoke? Lame! 5 Karaoke Suggestions although I never got a deal to form a highly successful gimmick Karaoke bar from it! >:(

April 2008

The first time I ever posted a Youtube video on the blog, although it wasn’t mine. I also posted about Ryuki Omura, pen spinning champion, which weirdly enough got me an awful lot of traffic – there’s a lot of people out there who want to hear more about this guy, someone capitalize, quick! I also danced Soran Bushi for an unsuspecting crowd, and wrote The Horrors Of Jpop, a post that got a response from the guy that owns JList. (That site where they charge eleven times retail price for a box of Pocky.)

May 2008

A very slow month. I’m going to save some INTERNET WORDS and just post my favourite post of the month: Tired? Stressed? Call on Paro, the Robot Seal, my favourite purely because that seal really was creepy.

June 2008

So I headed to Japan, with no money and no plan! I had a great time, and it felt great to write some posts in the style of my old 2006 writing. Something I want to do is go back and have a good read of all my old stuff, and try to move forwards into 2009 with a new style built up from all my old writing. Or just get drunk and smash the keyboard. Favourite post was The Donut Lion! simply because I met the donut lion!

July 2008

This is when I started to realise I had to be careful with cash over the summer. Still, I had a great time. I’m going to cheat and choose all three of the ‘drink review’ video posts I put up for my favourite this month – I wish I’d done more. At least they wouldn’t get removed from Youtube for ‘copyright infringement’. (More coming on this next year!) So yes, The Drink Trilogy were my favourites. (Not sure they deserve such an epic name!)

August 2008

The month I recorded translation stations one and two (again, now no longer available on Youtube. THANKS FUJI TV!) which between them got over 150,000 views until they disappeared. Japan Is Doomed also turned 2 years old, which means it should be talking by itself soon. It was also the month I went to the Koenji Awaodori, which was great for me – it was one of the only honestly totally new things I experienced in Japan, so it was very JID 2006. (ie. before I sold out)

September 2008

A terrible month! I had to come back to the UK! Plus, I had to start university! (Well, October 1st really). Still, I had a good month – I had my rant about Japanese immigration, which turned into a crazy comments battle, and got to go to my second Junten School festival. (Which was a nostalgia overload!) Meeting the new volunteers was great too, and taking my mother for my first trip up Tokyo tower was cool, too. Heading to Nikko and writing Nikko, Japan’s Other Shrine Central was awesome.

October 2008

From here on the blog, and especially my Youtube, slowed way, way down. I posted one new video and then haven’t since then, something I want to sort out in the new year. I’m struggling to really spot a post that jumps out at me, but if pushed I’d say New Youtube Account & LEAVE PALIN ALONE! simply because I wish Sarah Palin would be left alone. (In a well)

November 2008

Only one important thing this month. Obama Wins! Having followed and supported him for months made it all the sweeter. I also did those crazy ‘Guess the Japanese band name’ posts, but all in all a lazy month as work was piling up.

December 2008

So here we are. 12 months of fun, photos and complex grammatical conjugations. Wait, that doesn’t sound fun. Oh well, it was fun. I also hit 200 posts on the blog. One thing that definitely did stand out for me this month is being placed at Sophia university, which I’m really happy about. So post of the month is Studying Abroad at Sophia University / 上智大学 which makes me smile when I see it. I can’t wait!

So, 12 months, 12 posts that aren’t random photoshops and bizarre statements about random news articles! (Well, some of them are). I hope you guys enjoyed my writing this year, I’ve loved the feedback and so on I get. I am going to keep writing into 2009, and I have no intention of closing the blog. I’m hoping to do another post before 2009, but no promises, as I’m pretty good at missing blog posts. So, just incase I don’t get chance to say it;

Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year

From Mike @ JapanIsDoomed.com

200th post on Japan Is Doomed!

僕の大学は、僕が上智大学に留学しに行くことを決定してくれた。去年上智で留学した先輩によると、来年９月からの上智の外国人のための日本語のコースは有名で、すごく勉強にならんだけど、宿題やテストが多いそうだ。

一年間東京に住んだことがあるのに、本当にドキドキしている。日本にある大学に行ったことがあるけど、日本の教え方とイギリスの教え方は違うはずだ。たとえば、日本では、講義で友達に手を貸してもいいのかな。僕の日本の教え方に対するイメージは講義で友達と話してはいけないということだ。慣れろのは難しそうかも。

だが、本当に楽しみだ。今日本語を話せない国で勉強しているので、あまり日本語で話す相手を見つけられないけど、日本に行けば日本の食べ物や飲み物を楽しめるし、もう一度日本に住んでいる友達に会えるし、英語を教える仕事が見つられけるからだ。

もう待てないよ！

英語/English Post: Studying Abroad at Sophia University / 上智大学
(Note: That is not a direct translation of this post!)

So the other day, I found out I’m going to Sophia University (上智大学) for my study abroad year! Woohoo! So I thought I’d do a little research and post what I found out here. This probably won’t be that interesting if you’re not interested in learning Japanese or whatever, so feel free to skip reading this and use the time saved to write a poem or make some flapjack.

Sophia university is pretty central in Tokyo, I’ll be in Yotsuya. It’s had quite a lot of famous people study there, especially George Takei, aka Mr. Sulu from Star Trek. I’m not saying I’m guaranteed to land a spot in a US TV series, but the chances are higher! (not)

Anyway, I headed over to Sophia’s website (English/Japanese) to find some photos, a bit about what I’ll be doing there, and so forth. The site provides photos of the university in all four seasons, just to prove the buildings don’t blow away in Autumn, or something…

That’s the campus as it is in summer, apparently. Looks pretty great! I had a go at translating the text under each image. Here are my guesses (order: top left, top right, bottom left, bottom right)

• The bustling main road
• The campus overflowing with green
• A quaint hallway on the first floor of building one
• When you get to university, make sure to check the bulletin board!

It’s all very green, white and shiny, kind of the like the future. Let’s just hope winter doesn’t see Sophia become a frozen wasteland…

Yep, it looks basically the same. I do not remember Tokyo looking that nice in winter… but anyway, translations;

• The entrance to Hoffman hall, where university clubs (circles) meet.
• A path off the side of main street
• “The next lesson is in building number 3″

So there we go. It all looks very nice. Next, I thought I’d have a look at the language course. As I mentioned, I have no idea exactly where I fit into the system yet, but what I found is that Sophia has partner universities all over the world, suggesting there’s going to be a great mix of people in my classes. Aside from the core Japanese, I can also take a few other modules, but due to Sheffield’s rules I don’t have to pass them! Only Japanese! So I might go wild and take something like advanced molecular science, history of the corkscrew and juggling classes, or something.

So there we go! I’m going to be going around September next year. I’ll keep posting blogs as I find out more and more about it. How exciting!