I apologise for the lack of recent updates. It is currently rainy season here in Japan, which of course means it’s far too humid and wet to do anything, including breathe properly, so as a result everyone is wandering around like zombies, myself included. Hardly in a position to write a blog!

Tomorrow is Junten’s sports day. I’m sure you’re aware of how a sports day works – you turn up at a sports ground instead of school for a day, do a bit of running, then forget about it and go back to not working in lessons. We’ve all been there, done that. Well, things are slightly different in Japan. Both Thursday and Friday saw Matt and I heading to the school’s other campus to “practice” for Sports Day. In reality, the event is not a competition at all, but a publicity stunt. This means that not only is it a practice, but it’s a practice of how to have a sports day, not practicing the actual events. I estimate I have spent twelve hours at the sports ground, and I have seen about thirty minutes of sports practice. The rest is spent learning where to stand, what to say and how to listen to the school orchestra. I kid you not.

The events themselves are somewhat…different, too. Instead of the typical 400 metes or javelin, there are a host of bizarre games that focus less on physical prowess and more on, well, hitting other people. Here is a handy list with names I made up;

• The Big Pole Game consists of each team separating into halves; one half is attack and the other defense. The goal is to have your attackers push over a great big pole that the other team are defending. The rules are, well, nobody knows as nobody ever follows them. This is basically a big fight with the added danger of big poles.
• The Skipping Game requires each class to get twenty six people jumping over a skipping rope at the same time, while the two tallest boys in each class spin it. This is actually a lot harder than it looks and requires quite a lot of teamwork to go well, which is probably why the vast majority of the classes never get more than about 6. At the actual sports day, a staff team will have a go as well, which I will be a member of, and I expect no less than 300 consecutive jumps. Keep watching the blog to find out how many I do. (Once I’m out of hospital)
• Hat Thief involves three students forming a tripod for another student to stand on, then running around trying to steal the hats off the other team’s heads. Not much to say here – this is basically a big fight with the added danger of…er..hats?
• Yosakoi dancing is a traditional Japanese dance, well summed up by Wikipedia here. Loads of kids all do the dance together, with each year group doing a progressively more difficult dance. I don’t think this is a competition but it looks quite cool when they’re all going at once.

My job tomorrow will be photographer, so I hope to do quite a nice update soon with lots of lovely photos. Sorry for the lack of them today.

I was approached by Mr. Wada the other day, and asked if I wouldn’t mind lending my voice to the English speaking test for the midterms, which are currently raging for all students throughout the school. As I have been told I have a voice which makes angels jealous (or nauseous, I can’t remmeber which) I quickly took him up on his offer and recorded what can only be described as the best sound ever to grace human ears. But wait! There’s more! I’ve got a copy of it, and I’ve posted it below along with a transcript. The other male voice is one of our students, Kento, who lived in America for a few years. The female voice is another English teacher.

Warning: It was recorded at a high volume. Turn your speakers down!

[audio:listeningtest.mp3]

Miyashita-Sensei: *A load of Japanese about me and Kento.*

Mike: Look at these photos.
Kento: Oh, they are nice photos. What’s this?
Mike: It’s my father’s school.
Kento: Wow! Is he from America?
Mike: No, he isn’t. He is from Japan. He was in America when he was a junior high school student, so he is an English teacher.
Kento: What’s this?
Mike: It’s my friend’s cat.
Kento: He’s so cute. Is this your friend?
Mike: Yes, she is. She is my good friend. I met her in America. She is from Japan. She is a musician.
Kento: What’s her name?
Mike: Her name is Utada Hikaru

This was meant to be the ‘harder version’, although apparently the students found the exercise pretty easy. I think they were just so shocked it was me on the tape that they actually listened harder than they normally do.

Anyway, that’s my sixty eight seconds of fame over. Back to normality, I guess…

Whilst the Thai students were visiting, we were given the opportunity to try the traditional Japanese art of Kimono dressing. There are men’s kimonos as well as the famous flowery pink and blue ones, and yes – we both opted for the men’s ones. Something tells me having both your foreign volunteer teachers crossdressing might cause the school some media problems. Not that I wanted to crossdress anyway. No really. Hey, stop looking at me like that.

Both male and female kimonos have approximately thirty thousand layers each, which means they take quite a long time to put on, and if you’ve never done it before it’s impossible. Which is why it’s lucky I had two lovely ladies to help me. They did it at a shocking speed which rivals me getting up in the morning and chucking on a shirt and tie. If they had done it any quicker I’d just dump my whole suit in the bin and wear a kimono every day. As long as I lived in a perfectly flat place. Ah, gradual slopes, the mightiest of Japan’s enemies.

It took about twenty minutes for us to get kitted out fully, which includes carrying a little fan and wearing these wooden flip-flops that fall off every two steps. But simply getting dressed in them was not enough! We had to walk outside to take photos, which was a poor excuse for “possibly bump into students whilst wearing hilareous costume that doesn’t fit”. The joke was eventually on them, as the only people who saw us were the office staff, and nobody believes them anyway. Working near fax machines sends you crazy!

Having been sufficiently embarrased, and filled with a new hatred for stairs and wooden slippers, it was time for us to remove our kit and let the Thai students have a go. I have to admit, it was kind of fun wandering around dressed like that, although I’d be interested to see anyone run for a bus in one of these. Sadly we had to go, so we didn’t get to see the results of the dressing, but I was send this photo, which suggests everyone had a great time. Hurrah!

This happened a long time ago. I’m sorry I never managed to write about it, but I was only given the CD with the photographs on recently. Along with the Thai students, we were given the opportunity to try Japanese tea ceremony. However, before I start on that, I feel I should explain the worst pain in the world, ever;

During a formal event where you sit on the floor, Japanese tradition dictates you should sit in Seiza. To do this, “one first kneels on the floor, and then rests the buttocks on the heels, with the tops of the feet flat on the floor. The hands are sometimes folded modestly in the lap and sometimes placed palm down on the upper thighs with the fingers close together.” (Thanks Wikipedia)

What this little explanation does not explain is that unless you’ve been doing it for a few years, it’s incredibly painful. Especially if you have quite muscular legs and thin ankles, like me. In Thailand too they don’t sit in Seiza, so as a result everyone looked to be in varying degrees of pain. Here I am desperately trying to rearrange my legs into a less painful position. I actually have to sit like this during Shorinji Kempo so it wasn’t so bad for me, but I still tried to sneak in an easier sitting position.

Subtle like a bulldozer!

The actual ceremony itself involves everyone eating this really sweet, sugary kind of blob called Mochi, and drinking the green tea that was handed around having been brewed in a traditional manner. The reason for this is the tea itself is so bitter it could bring about the end of the world if left unchecked, which is where the sugary Mochi comes in. I don’t know, something tells me if people in England were told they have to spend 40 minutes to make a cup of tea, builders would take four times as long to get anything done.

I had a go at the actual ceremony itself, and although from afar it looks like you just pick up the big spoon thing and fill the bowl thing, there is a million different rules that I broke all at the same time. Notice the excellent Seiza in the above photograph. You couldn’t fit a piece of paper in between my legs there. Beautiful.

So, that was the tea ceremony taken care of. The Thai Students told me they all had a great time, which was nice, and I have to admit I too enjoyed the day, even just to try to understand Japanese history and culture a little more, although I think it only served to confuse me, and damage my ankles.

As promised, the Junten Easter party went ahead on Friday, only six days after Easter, and it was a bigger success than I think anyone had estimated. I think Matt, Barney and myself had agreed we were expecting around 60-70 students to arrive, although secretly I was a little more pessimistic, but I was quickly shut up when moving around inside the room became a huge, uniformed obstacle course.

We kicked off at 3.30, with what turned out to be the main attraction of the day – the egg painting challenge. Having spent about an hour on Wednesday blowing the insides of eggs out, I was eager to see this be a success – the stench of those eggs still haunt my dreams and I wanted to see something justify the years of counseling I’m no doubt heading towards.

…so…many…eggs…

Anyway. After a quick explanation of the rules, the kids got to work on turning boring white eggs into what happens when a chicken goes berserk in a paint factory. We set a time limit of around twenty five minutes, but in that time some of the kids really did create some amazing work.

In the end, however, there could only be one winner. Well, five actually. Matt’s mother had brought with her from England a load of prizes for us to distribute, which made the competition a lot more serious when the kids realized what was up for grabs. Second place went to an egg which was meant to be Mr. Wada, and English teacher at our school. It came very close to winning, but in the end it was defeated by the egg on the right of this picture;

Before I go any further, I have to point something very important out. At every single party we’ve thrown for the school, I have in some way made myself look incredibly stupid by wearing a daft costume. Halloween saw me don my ghost outfit. Christmas saw Mr. Mike Claus distribute presents. What possible clothing atrocity could I have donned this time?

Moving swiftly on, then. After the egg painting challenge had drawn to a close, it was time for us to tell the kids what Easter was actually about. Well, that was the plan. Fortunately, we had an exchange student from Australia, and two returnee students from America and England to do all our work for us, while we I ate all the jelly beans.

To stop the kids getting sort of bored, we then played two very short games. The first one was a race – each contestant had to push their egg, using only their nose, a short distance. I am sad to say I only managed a 3rd place. More unfortunate was the fact that none of the girls would play the game, because they were wearing skirts. I’ll say no more. The chicken race game was more of a hit – run along a winding course with your hands holding your ankles. This time the girls could play, and it led us nicely into the final game of the day – the Easter egg hunt.

Because we had to very carefully ration our eggs, we decided to hide little fluffy balls all over the place. The kids had to first complete a crossword, then the hunt began. It tided us over nicely to 5.30, at which point the most fun game ever started – Operation Easter Cleanup.

The kids had a great time, and secretly so did I. As far as I know, this will be the last party we put on for the school, so it’s sad to say I won’t be wearing any more ridiculous costumes. Nevermind!

Yesterday I played soccer! A short update will appear magically in a little while!