OK, photos from Kamakura will come tomorrow! Then I think I am caught up! Woo! It’s been a battle, but my mother leaves Japan tomorrow so I can go back to sleeping 21 hours a day!

Anyway, these are a collection of my favourite comments, questions and so on I heard from the kids at the junior school I volunteered at for the last two months.

Kid: Mike, because white people have big eyes, do you injure them a lot?
Me: Uhh…
Kid: Is it why Japanese people are better at blinking?

I can see the logic of the first question. I mean my eyes are huge, I’m always getting them caught on door frames, my desk, moving vehicles and so on. But before I was even ready to answer he hits me with another question. Damn, he got me there. I have to confess despite my infinite wisdom I had no idea who was better at blinking. Luckily I was saved by the school bell.

Kid: “Mike’s from England? But he doesn’t LOOK like a wizard?”

Yeah well thanks for rubbing it in you jerk.

Kid: Why do you have blue eyes?
Mike: Well you see…
Kid: It’s because of the sea!
Mike: What
Kid: Yep!

Again more powerful eye science from the little Einsteins. This girl was standing on my feet and staring straight up into my face for like 5 minutes, formulating this amazing series of questions. Still makes more sense than a Glenn Beck interview, to her credit.

Mike: Guys! Did you know England is actually floating above the world?
Kid A: Wow!!
Kid B: Oh No!
Mike: What is wrong Kid B?
Kid B: I wanted to go but I don’t  think we can afford a plane that goes up and away from Japan!

This one just blows my mind with cuteness. The kid assumed when you get on a plane you choose either to go around the world or directly up. When I pointed out that directly up is a rocket, he realized his mistake, and then asked me how much rocket tickets to England cost.

Of course, things got odd when I met his parent;

Mike: Oh hello Mrs. Kid B. How are y…
Kid B: Mum! Mike is from England! England is floating in the sky!
Mum B: …

Actually she was a pretty good sport and didn’t blow my cover, allowing me to continue my series of lies and hilarious ‘facts’.

Mike: Did you know Hello Kitty used to be a dog, but she got sick and when she woke up she was a cat?
Kid: Does that mean she chases herself whenever she remembers she is a dog?

The kid saw a hole in my logic in like three seconds. I was not impressed.

Finally, here is a slightly longer conversation, involving a good deal of people. I like it because it ended with the single greatest comment of all time;

Kid A: Mike come play soccer with us.
Teacher A: You better be careful, Mike is English and they are great at football!
Me: Actually I am pretty bad but I will try my best!
Kid A: Wait wait, if you’re bad don’t play with us.
Teacher A: Oh no poor Mike.
Me: All I ever wanted to do was get good at football. But it’s so hard.
Kid A: It’s not that hard. Just kick everything.

Yes, Kid A there summing up not only the rules of soccer/football, but also leaving us with frankly a wonderful outlook on life – kick everything. What better way to end this post?

Possibly Related Content:

1. Japan’s Kids Are Doomed
2. Plan for April
3. Volunteering at a Japanese Primary School
4. The Cutest Dogs (Except Mine)
5. World Cup 2010 – Japan Over England