According to The Times Online;

As a thankless, recession-streaked 2009 dawns, Japan’s stressed-out workers are preparing to adopt a subversive new approach to the work-life balance: fibbing, skiving and knocking off early.

In other words, the Japanese workforce are finally employing a well tried and tested approach to work – not going! Hurrah! But things get better! Someone wrote a book about how to get off work! I wonder if it’s only come out now because the author was skipping work all the time? Yes, The Incumbent Salaryman’s Bumper Book of Excuses apparently helps you to keep up to 120 excuses ready to go at all times. Except if you’re missing work you should be at home and thus your boss can’t tell you’re looking at a book, but whatever.

Anyway, The Times article goes on to suggest that the excuses found in the book are, to the experienced skipper of work, pretty lame. Bizarre allergies, identical twins and weather phenomena in your area that only you noticed are apparently all inside the book.

There are [also] excuses to cope with being accused of having an untidy desk (it’s good feng shui), of wearing an ill-matched tie (it was a present from the client I’m about to visit) and of yawning near the boss (hay fever medicine).

So this is all very well but it’s not good enough Japan! If we are going to have guides about how to escape working then they better be well written, as this is a very important idea to me! (Am I making myself really unemployable by writing this? Find out in a few years when I’m living on the street!)

So I have taken it upon myself to write a new, better book to help people avoid having to work. Strap yourself in, put on your best fake sick voice and then head back to bed; Mike’s guide is here. My book is called Wouldn’t it be sweet if we didn’t go to work today?! and here, dedicated readers, are some choice cuts;

Page 33

Page 83

Page 91

Pretty good ideas! If you are interesting in buying my book it only costs £600 and is available by coming to my house and asking nicely for it!

Finally, I need a clever and snappy way to end this update. I can’t really think of one though. Man, I really could do with a way out. WOAH?! Apparently I’m in 1958 and, hey, get off my computer you cats! They’re stealing my computdiw! uhw owdwd? jwdwd! ahahadwhdwdwdiw!!!

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