This popped up on the Japan Times website today, under their ‘Readers In Council’ section, which I think has something to do with people writing angry emails to websites;
I would like to propose that the Japan Broadcasting Corporation (NHK) add an English channel to its current general and education channels. The channel would no doubt contribute to improving the English ability of Japanese people, young and old.
It probably would! When I read this first paragraph, I was 100% in agreement. It’s a logical idea – put English language teaching programming on all day, make it easy when the kids are home from school, harder over the middle of the day and difficult in the evening, or something. The article went on to talk about the various benefits,and it seems like a great idea. There is just one tiny problem. The number of people who would learn from the channel seriously would be pretty low, in my estimation. Not to say there’s anything wrong with that – but I don’t think English TV teaching could replace teaching in the classroom.
So, instead of sitting around and wondering what the answer might be, I went ahead and made up a few ideas without thinking about it at all! Clever or what?! So, without further ado, here are my top three English teaching ideas;
1. Subliminal English Teaching
I’m going to get the ball rolling with a relitivly normal suggestion – how about we sneak English learning into everyday Japanese life? I think one thing that might be easy to exploit is printed text, so I’ve come up with a few clever, very subtle edits to popular Japanese comics. See if you can spot my edits!
Don’t worry if you didn’t spot them – that just proves how ingenious my idea is! I can really see this taking off in a great way, so get on board and donate lots of money to “Japan Is Doomed English Learning Manga” because I definitely won’t steal your investments and move to Hawaii.
2. English Teaching Ice-Cream
Take something kids love (Ice Cream) and mix it with something they hate (Learning) and you might just get something they kind of don’t mind! Imagine all the delicious flavours!
Wow! They all look so tasty, I can’t even begin to choose! We’re so confident we’ll sell loads, we’ve even taught you three words for free, just from the advert! So if you’re ever caught in a fire and an aging cat is your only companion, you can boldy exclaim “Run, old cat!” and he’ll be OK.
3. Mandatory Tattoo System
If you’ve ever been to the UK, you’ll know that Chinese written characters are seen as incredibly cool. They are all over t-shirts and are used a lot in tattoos. I have seen a few horribly mis-translated ones – one time a girl told me her tattoo meant “To be let free”, when in fact whoever did her tattoo obviously didn’t like her, as he had written 「盛者必衰」which means “the prosperous must decay”, according to my friend and Google. The point is, nobody wants a mistake tattoo. Which is exactly why I argue everyone should have to get a tattoo! Then they’d darn well study their English before choosing one! You wouldn’t want to end up with an ‘awesome’ tattoo like this:
I don’t think it’s fair just to do it to English learners – everyone in the world should get a tattoo in another language. At least that way, you’d have something fun to talk about if you went abroad…
(Quick note: I don’t have any tattoos because I’m too scared. I’m not even really a huge fan of them. There’s another little thing you can put in your scrapbook entitled ‘All About Mike’.)
Conclusion
So in conclusion I feel we can see that I should not be allowed to have ideas. In all seriousness, English teaching in Japan needs a reshuffle, especially from the government side. The exams are way too much about memorization – that needs to change. Maybe it will one day. Maybe one day I’ll write a serious update about it. Until then, I will continue to only deal with problems of the ice-cream variety.
(Another Quick Note: If you really have a scrapbook about me please email me so I can contact the authorities.)
Possibly Related Content:
4 Responses to “24/7 English Teaching TV? Dull!”
Talking of subliminal messages, I feel awesome after reading this. Anybody else feel the same?
Nick Ramsay: BUY ME DRINNNNKKSSSS
In the Japanese comics, the text is in Chinese, not Japanese.
Shinchan: Good grief, how did I not notice that. I need more study I think. :s