Update: The blog post discussed in this update has been changed. For more information, check the comments section.
I want to preface this update with the following statement;
This update is not designed to cause arguements or drama between anyone. I am simply addressing a very real, very distressing problem, using evidence I have seen myself on the internet. I am aware this update will probably clash with a lot of people’s opinions and I would like to welcome anyone to voice their opinion in the comments section in a mature manner.
Right, with that out of the way, I want to discuss today the problem of what foreigners think of the Japanese. Obviously I’m not talking about all foreign visitors, and to be honest I would hope this is a small majority, but in the last few days I’ve seen two different articles that I feel are not just misinformed, but entirely wrong.
Two days ago, Neil Duckett wrote on his blog an update called Amae And Japanese Girls. I spotted the title via Japan Soc and had to find out what he had to say. I enjoy his blog and plenty of his updates are very useful and interesting, but this one was beyond unacceptable from an established Japan blog writer.
One thing i’ve noticed since moving to Japan and something Japanese girls themselves have mentioned to me is the level of maturity, or lack thereof, in Japanese girls. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing, not by any stretch, truth be known that’s actually what many Japanese men and also many Gaijin love about Japanese Girls.
What. Are you seriously proposing that “many gaijin” love the fact they think they can push these grown up kids around? Exactly what message is this meant to bring across? “Hey guys, if you don’t want an adult relationship, head to Japan”? Even if some Japanese girls reckoned they or other girls lack maturity does not make it a reality, nor does it make it an acceptable opinion.
Neil then goes on to talk about Amae, a Japanese term relating to emotional development and maturity. But wait!
Also firstly let me say, my thoughts on this subject have NO connection whatsoever to the 2 Japanese Friends i was out with last night should they happen to read this!
So you’re prepared to label an entire gender of a nation with this term but not close friends? It seems to me you realise this is an unacceptable statement, and want to cover your tracks incase someone takes offence, which is pretty likely considering the following other golden quotes taken from the update;
Japanese men like younger women, there’s no secret there, i’m quite partial to them myself. It’s widely known a girl over the age of 26 will struggle to find a partner and i’ve heard of the term ”Christmas Pudding” often used to describe them. I’d hazard a guess there’s a Japanese version of this which it was actually derived from but i can’t be certain. As a foreigner giving mid 30’s a good shove i have no problem whatsoever targetting what’s left on the shelf in the their late 20’s!
So basically, you’re saying “I think Japanese men like younger women. I’ve heard a few people use some rediculous term to describe older single women and I’m using this misinformed belief to lust after girls younger than I am.”
I don’t have a problem with people dating people older or younger than themselves as long as it’s legal, but this is a disgusting statement. You make yourself look immature and desperate, and you are affixing a horrible label to an entire nation of people. There is a big difference between “I know or have heard of some Japanese men who like younger girls” and “All Japanese men like younger girls” and you need to realise this. I know plenty of people who would be utterly horrified by these rediculous beliefs.
Japanese men like their girls submissive, there’s very little room in Japanese society for a stronger female character, not if they plan on getting married anyway. How else would the Japanese man live his Salary Man existance if he had a wife that expected him home to do his share of the household duties?
Here we delve into the history books and draw upon a history of female subjegation. There’s probably some weight to this statement, however the last sentence establishes that Neil thinks this is a good thing. I have a suggestion, Neil. Why not pop into a nearby business and ask a couple of the women why they aren’t busy getting married or cooking for their husband?
Even more worrying than the post itself is the comments the update has got. Plenty of “I learned a lot here!” replies suggest people are reading this and believing it. Please don’t. Have some sense and realise Japan, like every other nation, is made up of a massive variety of people, and blanket terms and blind stereotyping is never suitable.
I want to wrap this up now because this is getting too long and I want people to read and understand this. I hope this inspires bloggers to think more carefully, and causes everyone with some of these racist and sexist stereotypes to wake up and join the adult world. Of course, I can’t control what anyone writes on their blog, but I hope common sense would win through in the end.
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I think both posts are a great example of what the internet has to offer, I refrained from commenting on Neil’s post but feel compelled to throw my hat into the ring here. I have only lived in Japan for 3 years and I can only comment on what I have experienced personally and I find there is a lot of truth to what Neil says, and I also have to agree with you Mike that the way he blogged about did come across demeaning. I want to offer one more element to this argument, I have noticed there is a big difference between Japanese women who speak good English and Japanese women who don’t, and if you don’t speak good Japanese you probably won’t pick this up very easily. Why is this important? because gaijin attract more good English speaking Japanese girls, which tend to be a bit more westernized for want of a better word, which can certainly impact your image of Japanese girls in the early stages of living in Japan. One thing I will say to anybody coming to japan, as cute and silly some of the “tourist Attraction Girls” you see in Shibuya, Harajuku etc.. they are very different people when you enjoy their company in a totally Japanese environment. Anyway, look forward to some healthy discussion on this one.
Hi Mike, i’ll try and respond to your comments in order, without repeating your text here.
No i’m not suggesting Gaijin or Japanese men want to push people around, i mean there’s an attraction to the youthful nature many Japanese girls exude, not reflective of their age in many cases. When i refer to lacking maturity i draw references to Japanese television where the girls often talk and act in a juvenille manner, Saturday mornings panel on TBS’ Kings Brunch is an example of this.
As for the close friends, they do both fall into the same group, my ‘disclaimer’ was they were the inspiration for the post seeing as i wrote it the day after being with them, i had plans to write the post for well over a month, i didnt want them to think they were a direct cause for it.
I actually this the term Christmas Pudding is terrible and don’t use it myself, it’s a term i heard in Australia prior to coming here, and one ive heard of since. My point being it amazes me daily there’s such an obvious bracket of women that remain single, i see this very regulary and it’s more predictable to assume a girl in her late 20’s out in a bar is single and has been for a while, and will be mind you. After almost 2 years i’m astounded by the accuracy in which this assumption can be made. I understand there are exceptions to this, of course there are, and i guess this is the problem with blankets statements. I didn’t want to portray myself and immature and desperate my point was supposed to be light hearted in the sense that i will never be concerned with a girls age, be it 22 or 42 and i’m fortunate there are a surplus of Japanese girls single, for whatever reason, but in the sense of the post, they are single for a silly reason and that’s often that they are not below mid 20’s.
Your last comments to the subbmissive quote i agree with, and re reading it agree i’ve written that poorly with what i wanted to get across. I can only say, given a certain restriction with the length of a post i was brief covering that statement and it’s innacurate in many ways. Previously i’d written about http://neilduckett.com/i-cant-win-i-wont-win-i-dont-want-to-win/ and with this being what many women have to put up with, it’s no wonder many chose to be the weaker partner in the relationship … although this is changing which is a great thing.
I hope i’ve cleared up some things and i’m pleased you’ve raised your concerns and created a mature civilised discussion around my post. I would like to stress i have nothing but respect for the Japanese, both women and men, and live pretty much a Japanese existance here, socialising with only 1 fellow Gaijin on a regular basis rather than falling into an expat circle many do. I look forward to your comments and one again thanks for the right of reply.
All the best. Neil
Sorry Mike, “my ‘disclaimer’ was they were the inspiration” should read they were NOT the inspiration.
Gaijin losers ! Why are white guys in japan mainly losers ?
Akiko, thats because most are English teachers, so their only skill is being born in an English speaking country, and only associate with other gaijin.. so as much as I could be offended, I’m not, and I agree that they are mainly losers. In fact I would say mostly losers.
Akiko, i’m sorry you feel that way. It’s an unfortunate opinion you have to label “white guys as losers”. I hope you’ve taken the time to read my comments to Mike’s concerns, although i doubt you have.
Paul,
With regards to your first comment i can only suggest the countless hours discussion we have had about the topic and similar would have factored in when you read my original post therefore you were able to take that into account so it probably read different to you.
With regards to your second comment i agree and that’s a whole new topic, i’m not here on a 12 month jaunt teaching english getting ‘my numbers up’ like many are and on countless occasions i’ve been embarrassed by fellow foreigners here, English teachers or otherwise.
To Akiko and Paul,
I find both of you to be narrow-minded people and extremely rude!! I have met the so-called “Losers” but have also met just as many wonderful people from many other countries who reside in Japan. For you Akiko (If that is your real name) you must have had a bad experience or two with men from other countries to write such trash.
As for the high almighty “I’m better than other guys” Paul, you really do need to get your head out of your arse!!
Both Neil and Mike wrote interesting articles and it is a real shame when people like this Akiko and Paul can come out with insulting garbage that attacks so many people that they have never met!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ross
Sorry Ross(if thats your real name), only commenting on my experience. Get down to the Pong and tell me I’m wrong, go to Shibuya and tell me I’m wrong, why is it I never see any gaijin at real Japanese bars? why is it the places like dubliners, the hub, clubhouse etc are full of the same people, in fact in Australia I would cross the road to avoid most of them, but in Japan people leave their ideals behind and turn into completely different people…happy to be proven wrong. I am not high and mighty at all, I am just an average worker bee. post your website link so we can see who you are…. Akiko is posting her experience, and it is a common theme amongst the Japanese community that I am proud to be a part of, and I do apologize if I offended any English teachers out there, but there is a perception in Japan that needs to be turned around, but the 1 year teachers keep the perception going. And back to the post, Ross, tell us your opinion on 甘えor 本音と建前)。。。わかた
“In fact I would say mostly losers.” When lines like this are written Paul, it certainly looks like you are putting yourself above all others.
I don’t disagree that there are losers but to say “Mostly losers” is wrong. Would you walk into one of these bars and say in a loud voice for everyone there to hear, the line above??? I have been in this country long enough to know there are plenty of very decent people who have come here to explore and experience Japanese culture.
I do not live in a big city but do go to Nagoya on business quite a lot and have seen the bars you talk about. I sometimes come across foreign men that do have little respect for those around them and yes, they would not act that way in their own countries. This is not in question but to have the label “mostly losers” is “in my opinion” wrong!
Ross is my real name and more than happy to meet you in Nagoya and discuss the “Mostly Losers” issue with you in person. I could also introduce you to many foreign men who I strongly consider NOT losers and just maybe you might be a little more thoughtful about posting such comments.
It is easy to think that what is before your eyes is the whole truth. Sadly the perception of foreign men is flourishing in the big cities of Japan however, a few bad apples does not mean the load is bad. I will admit that percentage wise, it is not that great but I do think or at least would like to think that most foreigners try to do the right thing.
Ross
Ross, I live in Shinjuku so our perceptions are poles apart I’m sure. I do apologize if I offended you, and others who do the right thing. I have visited my (Japanese) wifes family many times in Nagoya and I can certainly see the difference in foreigners between the cities. The main point is that the Japanese perception is very wrong towards the gaijin who love and live in this country, unfortunately we have to work twice as hard to undo the wrong of many, well many in Tokyo… I still want to hear your thoughts on the original topic of Amae.. and if you have a eb site I would be keen to read it.
-Paul
There is a level of immaturity to some, but certainly not all, Japanese girls. Perhaps more ‘field work’ is required on his part. Of all the Japanese girls I’ve ever met (and at risk of sounding immodest the list is long and distinguished – believe me) I’ve yet to meet one that fits the stereotype of the ’submissive Asian women’.
PS> have just rediscovered this website – great work & will be checking back more often.
I read just a bit of what you wrote.
You highlighted “acceptable opinion” and I stopped right there.
Who in the fu__ are you ?
I don’t know Neil, but his opinion is based on everything that has ever happened in his life up until the second he wrote that post. Who the fu__ are you to pass judgement on him?
You posted about him and named him and soc’d it?
acceptable opinion?
Who the fu__ decides that mike?
Society?…. Who’s?
Morals?….Who’s?
Go take a pill or a nap or whatever you need to do to get your head on straight.
You don’t like Neil’s opinion? …fine, but that is your opinion and it has NO more value than his…….remember that.
Chris, I must say i’m dissapointed with the title of the post on japansoc “Sexism & Racism in Japan Blogger’s Posts” …. it doesn’t reflect the nature of the article or my views on Japan.
I think someone forgot to take their angry pills today… :-)
I don’t know, Mike. I understand what you’re saying, but blogging is blogging and there’s no rulebook stating everything written must be a proven fact. If we have to be careful about everything we say so as not to offend people, then blogging becomes a whole lot less fun. There’s no doubt that bloggers can be influential, and that’s why I recommend Neil have a page like my disclaimer ;) .
I think Neil made a mistake making any edits to what he said.
Where did I demand anything?
I had a problem with “acceptable opinion” because it sounds sooooo ridiculous.
So your saying that his opinion is unacceptable in your opinion?
This would be funny if you hadn’t taken a dump on someone to express your opinion.
That would be my opinion mike.
Right. I’m going to respond in chronical post order. This is going to get confusing. First off – thanks Neil for updating your post. I still have a few issues but it’s much better. :) Apologies also for the title on the JapanSoc update, I have changed it to a much more neutral one.
1. -Paul – The difference in language ability should not have any bearing at all on this discussion, Paul. It may be true that with people less confident in English you have to use more childish language, but that does not impact on the person themself as a child. Bear in mind it works the other way – I myself have the Japanese ability of around a 6 year old, yet I’d be horrified if Japanese people thought I was immature simply because of my language ability.
Couldn’t agree more about the Attraction Girl tourists, Roppongi is a disgusting place because of it. It’s just a shame they make so much money there.
2. Neil – I’m not stating that there aren’t people in Japan who only date younger girls, I’m saying not everyone does. I was more worried about the wording – I know a great deal of people who would be pretty upset if they were told “You’re Japanese, you like younger girls!”
The Christmas Pudding thing is a baseless, sexist statement and doesn’t really need further discussion. It adds nothing to anything and is just crass. I think the topic you were on here, reguarding women older than 26 struggling to marry, has some factual weight behind it, certantly in my own studies that seems to be a common trend, but you could just buck the trend and treat them like people rather than statistics!
I’m glad you changed the update, as I said I still have a few problems with it but overall it reads a lot better than it did. Much appreciated.
3. Neil – Understood. :) Proof reading is a good thing… I never do it though…
4. Akiko - I’m suprised anyone replied to your comment, so I’ll move on and deal with their reply.
5. -Paul – TOTAL Disagreement here! I was an English teacher and yes, I spent time with foreigners but please stop these sweeping statements! “Only associate with other gaijin” … just because some people may do that does not mean all English teachers do! Come on, it’s the most common job for foreigners in Japan, yet I’m overly sure the majority of them are perfectly adjusted people.
6.
7. Ross (If that is your real name) - Hold your guns a little here. I disagree with Paul in only one element – that all teachers are problematic. However I would agree that it’s not a good thing that a foreign teacher would only spend time with other foreigners. However, each to their own – again, plenty of people I knew rarely spent time with Japanese speakers, yet when they did they were perfectly polite and nice, fun people.
8, 9, 10. Paul & Ross - Take this outside! (Or to Nagoya. I went to Nagoya the food was great.)
11. Ninjaboy – Thanks for the support on the site! “I’ve yet to meet one that fits the stereotype of the ’submissive Asian women’.” is a nice sentiment – I’ve met housewives who, by Western view, would be considered submissive, but when they came to my English evening classes they damn well sure beat me up on any mistakes I made, both in Japanese and English. Curses.
12. Chris B - But surely this tirade you just posted also has “NO more value than [mine]…….remember that.” So surely by demanding I don’t pass comment, you are passing a comment. Did you even read Neil’s comments on this post? He’s edited his post as a result and it’s a better article now. Everyone wins!
13. Neil - That title was my doing and I’ve changed it. Apologies.
14. Joseph Tame – Yeah, I’ve been forgetting to take the…oh, you mean Chris.
15. Nick – Agreed, but that does also mean I’m allowed to call people out on my own blog. :)
I’ve commented on Neil Duckett’s blog with a direct response, but honestly, it’s just obvious that he’s not a student of Japanese Studies in any way, shape or form. He’s taken a decades-old theories, dressed it up with outdated stereotypes, viewed it through rose-tinted holier-than-thou gaijin spectacles and iced it off with male gaijin sleaze. Articles like that are the reason I don’t read blogs about Japan.
I have to agree with Chris. You’re entitled to express whatever opinions you want to on your blog. I guess you’re also entitled to call other bloggers out on your own blog for the sake of a post, but it doesn’t come off well. It comes off as quite immature, actually.
Chris B – So wait. What you are saying is people are allowed to say anything, but I’m not allowed to? Awesome.
Amelia – Probably the safest bet. Except for this blog! [/advertise]
southofreality – So what, calling people up on using outdated male gaijin stereotypes comes off as immature? I fail to see how this comes off more immature than someone stating all Japanese girls are immature.
Paul cheers for the understanding. I too can understand more clearly where you are coming from considering the areas you have mentioned. Sorry do not have a site but do comment quite a bit on Nick Ramsay’s http://www.japansoc.com/
which has some really great topics. Can’t go into my opinions on things now as I’m off to work but will talk later!
Ross
Paul, I also am sorry for attacking you and Akiko so harshly in my original posting!!
Cheers Ross
PS. the offer still stands about Nagoya and if you do get up this way, I’m sure we could have lots to talk about and eat some great food!! I do also get down to Shizuoka a bit and maybe we could meet up in the middle some day!
Great post Mike and for every post like the one referenced (there’s countless more out there), we need ones like your’s. I couldn’t agree more with what you said on the matter. I don’t read blogs about Japan either (for the reasons Amelia stated and especially all the misogyny/objectification garbage I see) I read this and a few others lowkey and call it good :) Keep rockin ^^\m/
Shay: Thanks. I really don’t like the way this discussion has progressed, and I’m glad some people agree that, even though people technically own their own blog and the content on it, they should still be held responsible if they write material that causes controversy.
Well first off i’ll admit to many people in this discussion that both of you ARE entitled to your own opinions, even extending over to having opinions on other peoples opinions. Where I come in is somewhere around there, an opinion on an opinion…of an opinion. But…fahh?
I can only go by whats on mikes post as i presume it still contains the original writings by Neil, but Mike?! I’ve seen this kind of over-reaction from someone who isn’t fluent in English, Someone who finds it difficult to establish tone from a piece of writing. Its blatently evident that Neils post was written in light-heartedness. I can only really describe why I feel like this by going through the 4 quotes and issues you’ve had with said post.
1~) Girl Maturity. I for one totally agree with Neil, Young adult Japanese girls do display less maturity. Whereas you derive from this that you can “push these grown up kids around”. C’mon, Theres obviously something already present in your mind to think this, Neil gave no indication what so ever of abusing this lack of Maturity. I for one LOVE the maturity level Young japanese girls display (note: ‘Display’) Its refreshing, compared to the more adult girls in the UK. – You cannot call my opinion unacceptable, because its light-hearted, my feelings on the subject. People prefer different types of girls, mature girls, fun girls etc. Neil claimed that the majority of Japanese young adults display a lack of maturity compared to other countries. From personal experience I totally agree with him. And I like this kinda girl, as Neil also said. All of this is Irrelevant to what i’m saying though. Your Reaction. Yes you are entitled to an opinion, but read it properly. Like i said, I’d expect that kind of mis comprehension from a non-native English speaker, not you.
2~) I can’t even begin to comprehend how you couldn’t understand what he meant by his two friends. I really can’t. It almost seems as if you are purposely looking for things to snipe at.
3~) I’d really have a problem here, if Neil said obvious generalizations here “ALL japanese men” etc. But he doesn’t. Japanese men like younger girls. Fair Do’s. To a large degree I agree with him. Christmas pudding? Its a phrase he’s heard been used. As far as I’m aware, his writing doesn’t show him in favour of this phrase, regarding what he said at the end of the quote. It only makes him a better blogger in my eyes, He speaks like I’d speak to my mates, honestly.
-Got cut off >.< Sorry.
Finally 4~) I do disagree with the phrasing of “Japanese men like their girls submissive”, just the word submissive seems inappropriate. However I disagree further with your reaction Mike to the last sentence. To me it seems to be written in pure sarcasm, a play on the stereotype of this ‘Submissiveness.’ Your reaction turns into almost a personal attack on Neils state of mind. If you professed an opinion that you felt it was harsh, and described how you read it, I’d feel less strongly about this. But instead you State that the sentence shows Neil agrees fully. That is Not an opinion.
I really hate to present such a one-sided arguement but I can’t agree on your analysis of Neil’s writing. I enjoy your blog Mike, You’re funny and present things well. Hell, if I am in Tokyo the same time as you I’ll try my hardest to meet up with you. I just can’t agree at all with you here.
Craig.
Ultimately, whether i agree with Neil on the generalisations doesn’t matter, I found his Article a good read, well written and in good humour.
25 & 26: Craig – I’m really sorry, but from your comments it sounds like you’re discrediting what I said by the way I wrote it. I don’t really see how you can agree “light heartedly” that it’s OK to treat women with phrases like “scoop them off the shelf” or whatever it was. To be honest I’m a little disappointed that people are accepting Neil’s writing as fact. Because it isn’t. Amae is an outdated theory from the 70s that has been pretty much proven worthless in modern academia, and spare me the “well, academics have nothing to do with real life” nonsense because Amae itself is an academic term.
I honestly am proud of my writing and it’s rare that I tackle such a subject. But if you honestly believed someone was treating a race inappropriately, are you telling me you’d address the situation in a light hearted manner?
Can’t help myself but comment on this one. Again as Craig said above, I normally really enjoy your posts, but can’t help but feel you’ve over reacted completely on this one. Neil’s post in no way portrayed to me “Disgusting Attitudes Towards Japanese People” In that it was merely his observations and I sincerely doubt someone who spends so much time around Japanese people, not to mention writes a blog about his experiences would harbour such an attitude. I don’t think anyone who reads that post will take everything within it as a fact. When you read a newspaper do you take the article at face value and believe only what you have read? Or do you do as most people do, take the useful information from it, combine it with your own knowledge and anything else relevant and form you own opinion.
That “Amae” is a term created by academics has little relevance to this discussion. Its just a word used to describe some of the behaviour he has seen. And is perfectly plausable that academics have less knowledge than a normal person of the behaviour Neil was talking about.
I don’t have time to respond to every point but I will for this one. Neil writes “Japanese men like younger women” Which you seem to have taken some great issue with. Despite what you believe this is well recognised in Japanese society and in many cases true. Lolita complex is more pronounced amoung Japanese people than in any other nation. There is a reason so many shops sell lolicon material – because it sells well – and why does it sell well? Maybe because Japanese men do like younger women. Not to mention, is it really such an insult? Most men like beautiful women, younger women tend to more beautiful than older women. Thats not an insult thats biology.
Tom & Craig: Fair enough. It sounds like I’ve annoyed people by questioning if there should be any sort of limit on blog content which is definitly NOT what I wanted to say – I think the internet is all about free speech.
Firstly, “That “Amae” is a term created by academics has little relevance to this discussion.” is an odd statement considering the article in question contains a full paragraph defining it and making it relevent to the point.
I’m not saying the “Lolita Complex” does not exist, nor am I saying in it’s essence it’s a bad thing. Obviously it has bad connotations but it could be totally innocent and healthy, to a certain extent. What I am saying is Not All Japanese Men Like Younger Women. This makes statements like “Maybe because Japanese men do like younger women.” problematic and, ultimately, wrong. I just wish people would make that distinction. You’d be annoyed if someone said “Well, there’s a lot of interracial marriage in Japan, and statistics show it’s White Caucasian Men and Japanese women, so ALL WHITE MEN LIKE JAPANESE GIRLS”. That doesn’t make sense. I don’t see why this one doesn’t and yet the other one does.
Bah, I never get this many replies! :)
I thought i’d stop back and see if there were any more comments on this, it seems there are. I’m glad people took my comments as being general observsations from my time in Japan and not as racist and or sexist.
“Amae is an outdated theory from the 70s that has been pretty much proven worthless in modern academia” this sort of statement is ridiculous and just shows you’re looking to the wrong source for “answers” to what are just my observations.
Anyway, keep up the interesting blog Mike, i look forward to reading more in the future and good luck with your trip back here in 80 odd days time.
@Shay – your about page was exactly what i expected “Shay is a journalizm student and editor at a college newspaper” … less of the study and more living in Japan, not just in one small country community but live across many different facets of Japan life, specifically that of a Salaryman existance and you will see and appreciate more of what i have written.
Oh please, “misogyny/objectification garbage I see” ….. come here and live life for longer than your12 month sojourn and see things are different to what your study group tells you.
30. Leon: Pick a fight with me and we’ll get hundreds ;)
31 & 32. Neil: Yeah, originally I was worried this post would just cause problems but I think it’s kind of given everyone new perspectives. I think I’m going to try to be more understanding and read between the lines and see what the author is really saying.
Mike, when Neil states that Japaneese men like submissive women, it comes from the role women play in their society. If one looks back at Japna’s history one will see that traditionally, women were often protrayed as submissive. They were the ones that took care of everything at the home but when the husband was there, his needs came before hers.
Men tend to look back at what their home life was like when they pick a mate. If their mom was a submissive women, then they would tend to go for that type of women. Also its very natural to want younger women as it is at least for men a trophy or a great prize to have one. Lets be frank here, show me a man who doesn’t like a nice young woman and I’ll likely be seeing a corpse or a half dead man. lol
Shamless plugs to ROK Drop for finding Neil’s blog and to Neil for finding this blog.
Peace
I was nearly in tears at the end of Duckett’s post. After reading a few comments I was sobbing. I cannot express how relieved I am that there are others who recognized how twisted Duckett’s post was. I was terrified to comment because I felt my opinion would automatically be discarded because I am a woman; that is how hostile the environment felt to me.
I’m now reading that Duckett may not be a native speaker of English. If this is so, I am more sympathetic than I initially was. However, I must firmly advise him: should you tackle another difficult issue that deals with generalizations and blanket statements, have a native English speaker help you work on the tone of your post so you may discuss with proper respect given to your topic of choice (in this case, Japanese women and the idea of amae).
A few phrases like, “in my experience”, “of those I have met”, “if I were to generalize”, “in my opinion”, “one could say”, etc. Phrases like this would surely have softened the jagged, piercing text presented to readers in your post. The elbow-nudging, eyebrow-raising objectification could have be left out entirely.
E.g., “As a foreigner giving mid 30’s a good shove i have no problem whatsoever targetting what’s left on the shelf in the their late 20’s!” What is put on a shelf? Food is put on a shelf. Things you buy in a store are put on a shelf. Guess who isn’t on a shelf? Japanese women.
This is called objectification. Which my mother always told me is a strong indicator of sexism.
Also, what is this “child like run”? To me, this just screams of the old schoolyard bullying: “You run like a girl!” I am a woman and the way I run is not an invitation to stereotype me. Neither is the way I speak.
what these fools don’t get is that it has nothing whatsoever to do with ‘maturity’ or ’submissiveness’. there is a choice involved. these women, japanese, choose to be that way. you know why? none of you get it. there are NO consequences there. no fear of anything, they are not going to be beaten, raped, taken, or even talked to in a condescending tone. that is why they are like that. that is the culture, and if they choose to play along there are no consequences except that everyone has a good time. you are all fools, playing academic games.