Snowmobiles! December 29th, 2006
For those of you who don't know me very well, let me sum up my experience with driving;
- "Sure I'll learn to drive one day."
- "Well, I've had three lessons and I can tell this isn't for me."
As a result my abilities on machines are not as advanced as those of Matt, Nate and Rolf, all of whom have passed driving tests and know what they are doing. Still, looking at the controls of a snowmobile, you wouldn't think that would be such an advantage, right?
Wrong!
Of the four of us, I was quite easily the worst. I rammed other people by mistake on two separate occasions, frequently nearly fell off the accursed thing, and managed to choose the snowmobile with the faulty breaks. At least, that's what I blame my misadventures on.
Before we were allowed onto the ferocious machines, we had to wear the appropriate safety gear in the form of a helmet that didn't fit.
Apparently once you are wearing a helmet you are totally and utterly safe no matter what. Our fears were doubled when the Japanese instructor spent all of two minutes explaining how to work the machine. Here for your enjoyment is a 100% accurate, word for word recap of our instructions;
The left one is the break. The right one is the accelerator. Don't go too fast.
What should we do if we crash? What should I do if I stall? All these questions remained unasked and are now a memory and nothing more. How poetic.
The first half of our time snowmobiling was spent playing follow the leader around a mile or so long path, winding itself through the dense forests that are scattered throughout Hokkaido. At one point we had to come out of a farmer's field and onto a snow-covered road, but to do so we had to go up a rather large and sharp jump. Needless to say I went the fastest and as a result I am confident I will never have children.
The views were fantastic, and the other guys were all very good at it. I was…mediocre. Snowmobiles go rather fast though. But all of this has taught me one very important lesson. Once you read it you must pass it on to your children and they must pass it on and so on.
Stand up when you go over a jump.
There isn't a word strong enough to explain the pain your entire body is subjected to if you hit a bump and aren't in a straddling position. If you don't believe me, run face first into an oncoming train. Then come tell me I was wrong.